Gluttons for misery?

I'm curious...

Does anyone have any idea why I'm drawn to morbid things, to tragedy, to deep psychological troubles? Like a moth to a flame...

I love the introspective, I love empathy, I love connecting, I love authenticity, I love feeling.

Do those things have to do with my weird draw to things dark?

I mean, since I was a little girl, I was always into some tragedy or another. I devoured books on the holocaust, hurricanes, earthquakes. I read Drama in Real Life from every one of my grandma's Reader's Digest. I read novels about girls that were orphaned, girls with degenerative diseases, kids growing up in war. I used to lie in bed wishing I could have a terminal illness.

...Who DOES that?

It fascinates me. The pain. The brokenness. The empty. The perceived sparseness of hope that lies in these stories...But it's only perceived.

Regardless, it's gotta be weird. I mean, I went to Ground Zero, not to gawk, but rather to drink in the spirit of pain and loss. And not in a sick way, but in a respectful, honoring way. I loved the empathetic surge within me, feeling like I was "one" with those who faced things that no human should. It's almost as if it allows me to live through someone, even for just a moment...maybe it's easiest to access people via tragedy, because that's when they're the most vulnerable, the most open, the most honest...their tragedy and pain serves as the vehicle for my empathy...

Or maybe I'm just a sick duck.